Can I take a sick day for that? Dealing with an introvert hangover
Foggy brain, aches and pains, anxiety, irritability and overwhelm, plus life-stopping fatigue and a craving to hide from people forever....you might have an introvert hangover!
If you ever met me in person I don’t think you would put me in the “massive introvert” box because I can turn it on when I need to, I can be an extroverted introvert for a short period of time. And there are many times when I have to turn it on, at work for that big team meeting, at home when we have people over, on Zoom calls and family visits where the extroverts outweigh the introverts.
So what happens after I’ve flipped the extrovert switch for a period of time, it could be a few minutes, hours or days. I get an introvert hangover and the severity of it is often in direct correlation with how long I’ve “peopled” for, how much small talk I’ve had to take part in, what it took to give that presentation or host that meeting or do a thing.
But first…what is an introvert hangover? According to Choosing Therapy, an introvert hangover includes social fatigue, mental and physical exhaustion, and burnout felt by introverts after they have spent too much time socializing with others. This feeling occurs because introverts are drained by interactions with others and need time alone to recharge.
An introvert can go to a party and have fun, but they feel exhausted afterwards, whereas an extrovert is more likely to feel energized and ready for more. Once an introvert is feeling hungover, this feeling will usually persist until they have had adequate time away from socializing to recharge and refresh.
This sounds about right to me!
Working in marketing you are almost expected to be a bit loud and a bit quirky, and I am, but in small groups with people that I trust. When I have to show that side of my personality in large groups or with people I don’t know, or for longer periods of time than I can cope with at that moment, the introvert hangover hits. Even the build-up to one of these events can contribute to the aftermath if it’s something I find particularly stressful!
To be clear, I’m not shy, I like people but I just don’t draw my energy from them in the same way extroverts do. To recharge my batteries, I need periods of time alone, a peaceful environment, or to be with the husband and have deep conversations about interesting topics. Deep conversations and a small number of close relationships fuel me, small talk and having lots of acquaintances don’t (classic introvert).
Working remotely has greatly reduced the number of end-of-the-week introvert hangovers which I’m very grateful for. It only takes an hour or two of peace and quiet, a walk, a trip to the gym, reading a book or watching a movie to pull me out of it on a Friday in time for an enjoyable weekend. When I was working in London and in the office full time, it used to take all weekend to recover before I slapped on my extroverted persona again on a Monday morning (that was a pretty miserable few years when I think back!).
Today I am at the tail end of an introvert hangover that kicked in Monday night and has just started to dissipate. We had people over for a BBQ (ambitious in the UK in late September I know but we pulled it off!) for the husband’s upcoming 40th birthday. We had a great time, lots of good food and laughter with people we love. When the house was quiet afterwards and we were sat with a cup of tea and a slice of birthday cake (bliss!), we reflected on how much we love our life and the people in it. I felt grateful and happy.
But….at the back of my mind the entire weekend, always a shadow thought behind everything that was going on, was the presentation I was due to give on Monday evening. This was something that I was asked to do as a favour at work (translation, not in my job description and no one would have minded if I’d declined to take it on). I happily accepted forgetting the inevitable dread and that the thought of it would play on my mind in the days leading up to it. I really need to learn to say no to these things, which is another post entirely!
The overthinking that happens in the lead-up to something, plus actually doing the something, and then analysing the something afterwards, can lead to an epic introvert hangover.
After peopling at the weekend and then preparing for (overthinking!) this presentation and then delivering the presentation, which went well, I went to bed super early on Monday night and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow (sleep is a great way to start the introvert hangover recovery). But, I still woke up on Tuesday feeling less than my best. I was lethargic, my brain felt foggy, I felt anxious and overwhelmed and irritable, and I ached all over. I just wanted to curl up under my blanket on the sofa and not speak to anyone all day.
Sadly I had to go to work, and I suspect “I need the day off because I’ve peopled too much and I have the mother of all introvert hangovers” wouldn’t go down well.
So I did what I could on Tuesday morning and had a soak in the bath and an hour cuddled up on the sofa watching Frozen 2 (yep, I’m 42 but still a Disney junkie!) with a cup of coffee. That took the edge off before I had to log on for the day.
I had started to think that the introvert hangovers were getting worse as I got older. But actually, I think it has more to do with the fact that I am more aware of them and when they are likely to appear, how to deal with them and function in life and at work at the same time, and what will help and hinder my recovery.
If you suffer from introvert hangovers, I’d love to hear about your go-to recovery activities! In the meantime, here are some of mine. I hope they help:
Peace and quiet - luckily we live in a really quiet village so getting some quiet time is pretty easy. Usually, this means no TV, coffee in my favourite mug and sitting in the garden or on the sofa and just enjoying the sound of nature around me.
Rest, sleep and hydration - the bedrock of healthy living! Even if I feel exhausted, I can still struggle to sleep so I take extra time to wind down before bed and hope that I can get a decent night’s sleep because it really helps. I also make sure that I drink a lot of water because being hydrated is never a bad thing! I also take it easy on myself if I need to go a bit slower and rest a bit more throughout the day.
Exercise - nothing too strenuous. I couldn’t go into the gym and do a heavy deadlift session, but it can be good to go in and do some light weightlifting to just move the adrenaline and anxiety I may have been feeling through my body. If that’s even too much, a walk in nature (usually by the river behind our house), or some stretching can help.
Stripping back my schedule and to-do list - this means no socialising, and as few meetings as I can get away with at work.
Focusing on less intensive work - with brain fog it can be difficult to get into any really deep work for a day or two so if I can, I move my work tasks around so that I’m doing the more robotic/routine tasks while my brain comes back online.
Getting off the smartphone - no good can come from scrolling for hours under the guise of it being relaxing. It also makes the feeling of being overstimulated last a lot longer so I spend minimal time on my phone.
As I’ve learned to recognise my triggers and my thresholds for being “on” before I need to recharge, I have gotten a lot better at handling my introvert hangovers. Recovering can actually be quite fun because it forces you to slow down and give your body and mind what it needs to go out into the world again.
Let me know what your go-to recovery activities are in the comments.
This is one of the main reasons I'm loving Substack... I finally feel like I've found my people ! I whole heartedly agree and resonate with all of this ! I've often felt like there was something wrong with me ... or when I push through ( with friends or at work) and present more extroverted traits that I was somehow lying to myself and others, and not living authentically. I can't tell you the relief recently reading some wonderful newsletters on Substack ( like yours !!! ) that I am normal and there are plenty of us out there !
I feel so enlightened finding out there's an actual term for what I thought was just my incredible anti-social desire to be left the hell alone 😁
I thrive when alone. I could go for days not talking to anyone but my dog and the occasional human while walking my dog.
For many years my job was my social life. I've worked in hospitality for a decade and have the ability to turn it full on. But man, coming home after work and exhaling after being work-social was so necessary.
To answer your question, I live alone and have a dog. That's all I need to recharge.